Happiness, No-Motivation, and Finding Joy in Quarantine
What day is it, what month is it? I think summer is almost over… Rinse, wash, repeat- everyday.
Message to a friend.
“Wat u doing?”
“Not much, smoking, making noise in my studio. What about you?”
“Relaxing, On Couch. Days just blurr together”
“Right?? Sure seems that way, damn”
“I’m not motivated to do shit”
I feel you…
Familiar? Lots of time to think… Everything has changed- really changed. Life is just really weird right now. I had a very active life but somehow never realized it- Sample day- Get up at 5:30- Long Dog Walk or Run. Yoga asana, sometimes meditation, sometimes pranayama, sometimes all 3- morning is a blur, regimented and rushed. Leave for work 7:45. Arrive at work at 8:30. Work my brain really hard all day in an analytic corporate job, many projects, meetings all day. Woof down something at my desk and don’t really take a break. Work till 5:30 ish- Then after work activities- taking German classes, teaching Yoga, taking Yoga, working for YFR, family, home stuff, going out to eat or cooking kinda late. No time to relax. Bed by 10 pass out. Totally full on packed day. Lots of people, talking, phone- active, active, active. Makes the weekends seem really worthwhile- shopping at different stores. Going out wherever, doing whatever. There are people everywhere all the time. I am a social being.
Typical day now. Get up at 5:30- routine as before but adding more cardio. Shower, no commute-work from home. Sit in my home office all day. I have a stand up desk so stand some part of the day as well. Half hour walk during lunch but it’s blazing hot but still go because I know I will be back in that office the rest of the day. Off work at 5:30, walk downstairs. Make dinner. Walk dog again, good chance I will see a person but keep far distance but will wave. Crap it’s still really, really, hot. Lop around after walk. Binge social and news. Bed early. Repeat 4 more days exactly the same.
Weekends- no work but garden- ALOT, more dog walking, tennis with my man. Long walks with my man. Lots of talking with my man. Beverage. New IPA’s. Music of all kinds. Learning Poi. Sit on deck. More surfing. Movie, TV binging. Sleep and sleep well- Sunday same except cook food for the week and maybe take a bi-monthly trip to a grocery store with a mask- OMG, I love going to the grocery store, there are people there. Some mask less science haters but mostly ok. So much fun! Whaattt?? Wow…my life has changed.
I have become accustomed to this routine and not hating it. I’m very lucky to be able to work from home and in an industry a little more resilient to COVID. I’m genuinely happy and I like the slow pace. First time in over 23 years that I actually slowed it all down. I realized that have been creating joy in all of this madness! I’m choosing and thinking about my life. My real friends, friends that were downers, sides of friends I have never seen before, positivity, negativity. Politics got real. My yoga got real….. My feelings got real. I am changed and making big decisions that will stick with me forever. My time is valuable. I ordered kayaks and a huge tent and new sleeping bags. I’m outside much more that I have been in a very long time.
The mornings are relaxed. I start work at 8:30AM – 3 hours of my own time before work- at my own pace. I wake up without an alarm. I no longer need one and still get up around 5:30. I have lost 10 pounds since lock down. I don’t down coffee anymore- no coffee during the week at all. I cook better food and eat way more. I eat slower and mindfully at the kitchen table and eat a very solid healthy breakfast every day. I don’t starve myself unintentionally and my eating routine is balanced and at the same each day. I get sun at min one hour every day. The sun is great. I don’t think I appreciated it much in a few decades. I walk at least 25 miles a week and my practice is on point. I feel good in asana and I take real savasanas. I floss every day, no shortcuts and my teeth look and feel really great. My dog loves me soooo much. We have become best friends and I love being around her all the time. I hand knotted new a mala that is very light and practicing mantra with them feels amazing. Bonus- I don’t feel rushed to do my practice. I hang upside down a lot… my mind feels good. I think I’m getting a harmonium, don’t tell my hubby J I HAVE FOUND REAL JOY IN THE MORNINGS!
I stopped working for YFR- and so did the rest of the staff. Just stopped dead like it didn’t even exist anymore. It had been moving really fast since we incorporated. Just when we could have been the mindfulness company that supported and helped everyone through this quarantine and stressful world, YFR and all staff just stopped.
My motivation to do anything was at a zero until this week. No more taking any kind of classes and over doing life. It has been about four months. I feel healthy. Needed time to witness, feel the space and BREATHE.
YFR has so many good things coming. Hiatus was good for us. Taking care of ourselves was a necessity. There is joy and happiness in simplicity. Everybody is recovering from something®
Humanity is changing, it might seem negative from all the bitter chatter, but there is spiritual change underfoot. People are discovering their true selves and making smarter choices. The outcome will be good. 2020 is almost over. Change is coming.
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